Dedicated to Journalling

After much encourgement have decided to try and give this a good go! so being brave I decided to post some journalling on my blog.... I think soometimes with the awesome embellishments and papers and photography that the journalling can get lost and yet when people are looking through my album I tell them the details thats isnt in the journalling because I ran out of space... however there long so am trying to figure out how I am going to make it fit on my layout. These are my minds scribbles around the births of my eldest and youngest son...........(apologies in advance for all grammatical and spelling errors, I claim creative licence:) )


June 1997 (okay this is my first child and I'm 22. Yeah made it past my 21st!!)
** Personal note. I really wanted to go over this and change the language but it was written by a 22 girl so thought I'd better leave it...

.....Given that it was winter, the sun was out. I’d been really tired but wanted to clean up. I’d read all the literature given you were our first and accordingly this was referred to as nesting. The midwife Jenny had been in earlier and things were looking great and she had said to me, your baby will be here in three days. So this was the second day and I’m exhausted but healthy.

Headed over to Tauranga. Dad had just arrived home from uni so picked him up from the bus stop. Dads in a good mood and its nice having him home. So back to the orchard where its quiet. Nana and papa are busy… its kiwifruit season so there not a lot of words in the house just the occasional grunt, but the fires blazing so we kick back..

Its been a while since dad home so being a guy he wants to say hello. But I’m uncomfortable and its not happening… not at all… its late and I’m tired. So second best option we kick back in the lounge next to the fire. I’m feeling some twinges…. I’m sitting on the ground with dad on the chair …. We check the clock…. Are these contractions neither of us are sure but we are excited.. this could be it, you who we have waited so long for. So being the first time parents that we are we pull out the note book and start physically recorded the time of the contraction the end of the contraction and the length. First time parents maybe we all do it the same but I’m scared now the reality has kicked in and though I don’t know what perfect looks, it’s what I want.

It’s getting later and the intensity kicking in so we call the midwife with the times. She says wait until there about five six minutes and then call her and come in. Its nerve racking, time and contraction are contradictions. It hurts but don’t come in till it hurts so more. I hear the door open, nans come home, I go to tell her but she’s just done a double shift in the pack house and looks grumpy and tired. But your dad gives me a nudge so I knock on the door… “What” - yip nans tired “Ummm, I think I’m having my contractions’ – I smile and grit my teeth… “ohh… ok…’ – change in tone to a softness that I need “let me finish my bath’ We call the midwife again, no your ok just have a sleep Didn’t happen, could sleep my mind was running a mile a minute, called aunty lah in Waikato. She’s spewing, she stuck with no car and she so want s to be here. She blames nan.

Ready to leave, the pains kicked in and I’m not sure I can do this, but I’ve been praying during my pregnancy for an easy birth and a healthy child so here hoping I can cope. I grab my pack that I packed two months in advance just in case and take a final glance at the room, there the bassinet with the net drape, the port a cot, the nappy holder and the Winnie the pooh pictures and that I've collected over the last six months all in preparation for you. We decide not to ring my nan. It’s late and as a general rule first time births take on average about 16 hours (again I’d read all the literature) so maybe in the morning so she doesn’t fret. Nana and papa come over in the truck and we tell nana Kath and koko on the way over.

The hospital so quiet and I try listen to hear the screams of women giving birth. But I’m not going to be like that, only päkehä scream my nan reckons. But I hear nothing but the footsteps of the nurses and whispers of awaiting dads. We ring nana Margaret and she growls your dad, its too early ring me later when it’s closer to the time.

I’m so nervous, your dads holding one hand, reassuring me were ok, and we get in the ugly hospital jimmies, because I don’t want to get me clothes paru…. I’m allowed into the bath to help soothe the pain (that’s what the literature said) but it doesn’t help but it took so long to fill that my contractions started to advance anyway. So now we're in the dim lit room and I’m pacing and trying to get comfortable but nothing is helping. Dad and papa are trying to help me get the pain of my back so I’m trying to suspend my light self by hanging off them, nana Kath gives me a mirimiri, nan holds my hand, man its intense… cant get comfortable it hurts to much ………

I want to push, you sure… yip I want to push… man I want to push…. So the midwife breaks my water to help me along…. Man I really want to push now……………..the pain is insane and papa is wiping my head with a flannel… and its all a bit much……….the pain………….. 3 minutes later from having my water broken……. The head crowns and the body follows all at once………….. the elation the relief………… the midwife nearly drops you….. you… all I can hear is sobbing……. In a towel your dad bring you to me and whispers ..its a boy……………my son…a beautiful baby boy……….. our son…I cry for that which is and that which wasn’t………. a boy… I always wanted a son first………. It’s a boy nan…………..my son…………. Born 6:07am 6 June 7pd 14oz


Dec 2004 (ok now I'm thirty and I want to cry.......)
The day you arrived… It was a warm morning and we didn’t have a lot of plans other than to await your arrival and we had kinda been waiting since mid November. But still made our midwifes appointment at 11 and on ‘inspection’ not much was happening, so applying a special midwife technique, Juanita hoped for the best. Feeling slightly dishearted and exceedingly ‘heavy’ we picke dup uncle Bernie and went to bayfair. I wasn’t feeling to great so stayed in the car while dad and uncle went and got a feed.

I started experiences twinges but nothing to much more that that and only on an occasional basis, plus I didn’t want to get over excited. So its latter in the day and we are kicking back at home and I realize that the twinges are getting more frequent though not longer and not so sore. Birth hurts so this wasn’t it! I’m laying on Parekotukus bed, reading with her jumping all over me and dad starts massaging my feet, it hurts a little more so we ring the midwife and she says relax we’re ok its not hurting. I explain its more frequent lasting longer but doesn’t feel like a ‘real’ contractions have kicked in! but dad gets the black car ready, opens up the back, puts down the mattress… if nothing else we’re ready to go!

Change in pace, contractions three/four minutes apart lasting two minutes, pain threshold low… umm ring midwife, umm midwife says ok make your way over but its sounds ok. So dad helps me off the bed I get up and whoosshh, my water have broken… that’s never happened before…… go to toilet, ok ‘stuffs’ hanging out….. that’s never happened before….. Change in pace… ring midwife… midwife says oh no… ring ambulance…we ring ambulance.. midwife says assume the position…. I go into the lounge and assume the position… my babies are worried.. Bernie takes kids outsie to play… its 6:30pm.. I’m on the floor.. I’m thinking man not my carpet… ok pain.. I feel pain… lots and lots of pain.. where did that come from… ohhh more pain… ambo arrives… are we going to deliver at home… juct a quick check… umm no.. oh man… ambos a guy, oh man….

Change in pace… lifted into the ambulance…. I’m ok boys (ok that’s a lie) Rangitautini is standing on deck with big tears… look after them Bernie…oh man…outside on stretcher…. Oh man pull my t-shirt down…now in the ambulance.. its cramped… its old, new one getting serviced… oh man…we’re away….

Change in pace.. the pain…why are we driving so slow… safety first… oh man…turn over on the stretcher…the stretchers for small people…oh man…. the pain…I’m looking at dad.. he’s freaked… the pain… we drive past the marae… dads thinking pull over have my baby outside moko… the pain… past uncle rays and the whanau… the pain… in town… parametic says pull over.. what!...

Change in pace… chronic pain… oh man… I wanna push.. keep breathing… its so hot.. its summer… why is he closing the window… starting pushing… oh my god the pain… I’m crying and dads freaked… oh man… its to hot… I’m getting frustrated… whats happening..breath babe breathe… oh man… whats happening… I have to push now… I’m gonna push.. the pain… its hot… oh man…. Pushhhhhhhh….breathe babe breathe……elation and relief… ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….. tihei mauri ora…..its a boy…. Is he ok….. a boy…a beautiful bonny, kinda chingy looking boy………a son …our son …….another beautiful son…………Joseph…7:06pm Dec 7 2005